Orphaned at the tender age of 5, I and my 3 siblings were raised by an aunt and a grandmother whose matriarchal orientation estranged our young widowed father from us. Resigned to his helplessness to raise his children single-handedly, he left us to the care of the two “superwomen”. He however managed to steal time to bond with me,  the apple of his eye. This strong and loving relationship with my father is the image of the solid foundation of my relationship with God as Father.

During my last year in high school, a bilateral oophorectomy or removal of both ovaries rendered me biologically unable to bear a child. This barrenness caused in me a dominant and haunting pain. I felt deprived of what seemed to matter most to a woman. Suffering from poor health, I was sent to Baguio for my college education at the Saint Louis University where I was eventually offered a Philosophy teaching job. It was there where I formed beautiful friendships with Beling Plata Lansang and Linda Zablan de Lara, both of whom would later be with me in Ligaya. Together with a few outstanding CICM (Congregation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary) priest-mentors and ICM nuns, I found nourishment for my insatiable hunger for the True, the Beautiful and the Good. My solid basics on such concepts as Genuine Freedom, Human Dignity side by side with Responsibility, Social Justice, and Holistic Human Values found their way into my heart. I enjoyed being raised up by a Father God who was faithfully seeing me through. My father image took on a Divine Reality – a lovely blossoming time in my spiritual life.

However this Father’s gracious agenda soon took some frightening turns. In the mid 60s,  adventurous and self-propelled, I started taking on “radical ideas” which eventually caused me to be gracefully terminated together with 19 young radical teachers. Shortly after, my father died. About the same time too, my comfort zone was disturbed by the grave financial loss orchestrated by close relatives. Such chain of losses shook my material security rooted in self-gratification. Totally devastated, I could hardly move on. Spiritual paralysis set in. My barrenness took on much deeper roots.

Moving to Manila in 1969, the University of Santo Tomas (UST) Faculty of Engineering graciously welcomed me to its fold. I am presently on my 41^st year with UST teaching Theology. My classes looked more like Literature ones embellished with Christian doctrines here and there. But deep down I was hungering for authenticity.

In 1979 after arriving from a few weeks’ stay in Ann Arbor, Michigan for exposure to community life, I sensed the Lord speaking to me about my complaint regarding my biological barrenness: “Look at you! You think it was for nothing that you lost your ovaries in high school? You think I didn’t know what I was about with you? You think you’re not special to Me?!” The lovely exchange of smiles between the Lord and me that moment in my life, I’ll never forget. After that, I committed to Him to live single for Him – truly a grand turning point in my life!

Sincere in my quest for an authentic life, I chose to end a 4-year relationship which was on its way to becoming a lifetime commitment. The price I paid for it was the hollowing-out of my heart, I was completely crushed. Operating from a self-based, self-oriented, and self-righteous stance, I was on my way to inevitable self-destruction. But I was too blind, too numb, too angry to see, too proud to admit it. Laughing on the outside but crying in the inside, I stood out as someone who had it all together. A budding Pharisee had been born. Not knowing any better, my spirituality was all in my head. My barrenness got to be more concrete and more clearly defined.

Looking back, I realize God was writing straight in crooked lines 35 years earlier. With my heart hollowed-out, I sensed an infilling taking place. But I had no idea what it was and how it was to come. I just knew the message of Romans 8:28 was true – there is no such thing as an accident.  “Everything works for the good of those who love God, those who are called according to His plan”. There was hope. I felt disposed for the Better Part. 

In 1974, Thielma Martinez successfully trapped me into “seeing for myself” what the Lord was doing at the Assumption prayer meetings. Too weak to resist, I gave in to her persistence just so she’d stop pestering me with her “do you have a personal relationship with God…who is Jesus Christ to you?” probing questions. What I saw struck me hard. How can something so corny say something life-giving to my barren heart?

But certain things caught and held my attention: Fr. Herb, at the center and assisted by 2 La Salle boys (Mike Joseph and Arben Visenio) who were enthusiastically strumming their guitars, leading the group in vibrant worship and action songs; a couple, Larry and Priscy Gamboa, who claimed they encountered the Lord in Ann Arbor, Michigan and who came home to witness to their phenomenal experience; another couple Vic and Agnes Gutierrez who were so passionate in their service they turned their backs on their successful corporate careers. Not to mention the other leaders and members fussing to see that everyone had a ride home! The joyful experience was so glaring, it rubbed off on me.

Notwithstanding my initial positive experiences of community, I felt I couldn’t talk about Jesus to my students. How could I?! I did not know how to proceed with my life. The only way I knew was my way, my barren way.

Alone in my room one night, I thought I was seeing myself wading in water. Before me lay a vast, unknown ocean. Sensing that I was being shown what lay ahead of me, I decided not to go on in my journey with the Lord. I preferred to go back to my old life where I was in full control, freer and things were predictable. But God was in control. A book I’ve been reading on the 5 loaves and 2 fish, which struck me earlier, came strongly to my heart. I knew instinctively that the Lord was inviting me to take the next step. “What do you have there?”, He seemed to be asking me. I replied, “Lord, you know what I have: sin, weaknesses, self-centeredness – GARBAGE! You have gifted me with so much but I’ve wasted it all away!”. The Lord said, “Give it all to Me, it’s all you have anyway.” Lifting up my hands, I said, “Here, Lord!”. That was my first time to know what surrendering means! I ended up having a good laugh with the Lord that night.

After that turning point, I was never the same again. The Lord truly multiplied my 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed many. I marvel at the way He worked His way into the hearts of my students and fellow teachers. What Ligaya was feeding me with I passed on to my classes. Emulating Fr. Herb, I did things the way he did, spoke the way he spoke, and focused on what he focused on. And it worked well. My students were so fired up that we were quite a sight to behold as we indefatigably moved from one venue to another for our weekly prayer meetings. Soon, Ilaw ng Panginoon was born. 

Belen Pereras (R) -- 34 years with Ligaya, and counting

Another milestone in my early walk with the Lord was when He revealed to me why I am Belen by name. I am a “crib” destined to cuddle babies in Him, to take care of those who are taking their first steps towards Him. To the young of today, I uncompromisingly declare the unalterable truth: “God is God. He created you, He redeemed you, He is still with you now. Stand by that truth at all cost. Whatever will ground you more firmly in the Kingdom values, pursue it! Saying no to Jesus’ invitation leads only to one thing – sadness.”

A couple of Ligaya leaders, Mike Joseph and Francis Iturralde, were God’s provision to Ilaw. They came around to disciple some promising students among whom were the late Rogel Plata, Ching Achas, Glen Garcia and others who are among our present passionate leaders in community. The young were so on fire, such that a new phenomenon came into existence – classroom evangelization became a common practice in school.  The Christian joy in serving was unmistakably flourishing and started to be part of the nurturing God gifted us with. The rest of UST was wondering what the Engineering people were up to this time. Has the Frat Menace taken on a new form?! God’s movement could not be ignored.

What now can one say? As in the 5 loaves and 2 fish episode, I can only proclaim in radical trust: “You are an Infinite God, Perfect Love, and I am finite and sinful. Do have Your way Lord, for in You I live and move and have my being. Lord, I am truly grateful. Thank you for having called me to Ligaya where You are gloriously raising up a people whom You have blessed with all that it takes to live for the praise of Your glory!” ”.

These days as I reflect on our Lord’s words in John 21:18 “Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go”, I confidently declare that the Lord’s central and total involvement in my life and the grace He lavishes upon me is such that should He call me Home any time, any way, any place, His steadfast love will see me through and He will gloriously reveal Himself in His fullness.

- By Belen Pereras (North A) as told to Ging Non, Central E

Tito Pete was born and raised in Mangatarem, Pangasinan. In 1948, his family moved to Manila and his father who was a public school principal in Pangasinan enrolled him at  the then Ateneo de Manila for his college education. The young Pete always wondered how his family could have afforded to send him to the Ateneo given that his father earned a meager income from his job. Raising his own family years later and having come to know God more deeply, Tito Pete discovered the answer: “God provides!”

He vividly recalls that on his very first day at the Ateneo, his Jesuit professor said, perhaps in a jocular manner, “If you want to be a successful businessman and get rich, go to La Salle. But if you want to change the world, you can stay at the Ateneo”. Being a young idealist from the province, he decided he wanted to “change the world”.

Surrounded and educated by Jesuits, he could so easily have been a man of the cloth but somehow, he couldn’t imagine being called Father Padre. In 1952 he graduated with a Bachelor in Literature degree, major in Journalism, cum laude and salutatorian of the class. On his last year in college, he was working as a regular full-time reporter for the Philippines Herald, a major national daily before Martial Law. Ten years later, due to hard work and sheer talent and skills, he held the top post in the editorial department as the news editor.

Pete and Rose Padre (South B)

Meanwhile, in 1960, he met, fell in love with and married a young teacher from Manila, Rosemarie Pasimio or Rose. Their marriage bore three children, 2 girls and a boy, now all grown-up and professionals themselves. Tito Pete and Tita Rose are also the proud grandparents of 16-year-old twin girls.

After 12 years in the newspaper business, Tito Pete decided he (not to mention Tita Rose) had had enough of the late nights. Worse, he found himself being subjected to pressures from the Herald’s powers-that-be who supported opposing political parties. Certain that that was not the life for him and his family, he wasted no time in resigning from the Herald and shifting to the world of corporate communications.

Moving up the so-called corporate ladder, Tito Pete enjoyed better compensation and  more generous fringe benefits. In Tita Rose’s words, “The Lord’s provision via Pete’s salary increased in proportion to our family needs as the children grew older”.

But as he started earning more money, Tito Pete developed a craving for more, and more, and still more. He began resenting those who seemed to be moving ahead faster than he. In retrospect, Tito Pete realizes this was when he started acting like the older son in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. He felt he had been a good person and was entitled to all that he was getting, and more. He complained to the Lord, “What about me? Is this what I get for being faithful to You all these years?”.   

Of that time, Tito Pete says, “It is during moments of crisis in faith like this, which comes often in our lives, that the Lord reaches out and touches every one of us – if we would only care to notice”. The Lord, indeed, reached out and touched him then. A friend persistently invited him to the breakfast meetings of a group of businessmen and professionals at the Makati Sports Club where they “talked about nothing else but the Lord and how He was working in their lives”. Resistant at first, Tito Pete thought it was not necessary for him to join another group when he and Tita Rose had been members of the Christian Family Movement since early in their marriage and they were active members of their parish.

In 1981, he finally agreed to go to a breakfast meeting of the Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals (BCBP) and he never missed a meeting after that. He remembers being touched by the sharer, inspired by the songs and impressed with the important and powerful people in the business and professional world who openly proclaimed the kingship of God in their lives. Having been close to God all his life, his conversion was not a dramatic one attended by lightning and thunder but a “quiet moving from one level of relationship with the Lord to the next”..

A few months later, he and Tita Rose were invited to the Christian Life Program. It was during the CLP that Tito Pete began to see God as a personal God. After being baptized in the Holy Spirit, he and Tita Rose were given increasing responsibilities in the BCBP and they served in various capacities. They decided that they had “found our Pearl of Great Price so we gave up all our other activities which did not involve the Lord’s work”.

In 1984, Tito Pete and Tita Rose were invited to the Ang Ligaya ng Panginoon. Three years later, they made and accepted their covenant with Ligaya. But even as they joined Ligaya, they continued serving and being active members in the BCBP. They also felt called to serve in their parish, the Resurrection of Our Lord in BF Homes, Paranaque, where they are now the head of the Education, Formation and Communication commission and members of the Parish Pastoral Council Execom.

Tito Pete recalls that during their early years in Ligaya, the entire community met every Sunday at the Immaculate Conception Academy (ICA) Gymnasium in Greenhills. The assembly started with Mass at 3 p.m. presided over by Fr. Herb Schneider, S.J., followed by worship. To instill discipline and to train the members in honoring and respecting others’ time, the main door would be closed at exactly 3 p.m. Arriving on time was then imperative unless one wanted to sneak in through one of the side doors.

Foundation talks were also given on Sundays, 1 to 3 p.m. just before the Mass. Tito Pete, who values his siestas, initially found it challenging to stay awake during these talks. But by God’s grace, he learned to cope and he and Tita Rose went on to complete all the talks without any absence.

In due course, Tito Pete and Tita Rose settled down to a quiet life of growing with and in the Lord “the Ligaya way”. Tito Pete acknowledges that Ligaya is not the only way one can grow in his relationship with God. They served as Pastoral Leaders and then as Service Heads of the Tahanan ng Panginoon Outreach in Clinicville, BF Paranaque.

The Joy of Being with Ligaya

One time, Tito Pete and Tita Rose met their Jesuit chaplain during their Christian Family Movement days and when he asked them what they were busy with they replied that they were with Ligaya “undergoing formation”. The priest was incredulous and told them, “Formation? You are already formed! Go out into the world where you belong!”. Taking the challenge to heart, Tito Pete and Tita Rose gradually returned to their first love – service in their parish, while remaining faithful members of Ligaya, which to them “is and will always be our home”.

In 2000, Tito Pete suffered a stroke. Rather than reject and be anxious about what happened, he totally embraced it as God’s answer to his self-seeking questions aboutwhether or not his being faithful to God was only because He had always been good to him and because He had not put him to the test. Confident that God is sovereign, he completely resigned himself to the Lord’s Will and was “thankful that he was allowed to share in the Lord’s passion and suffering on the Cross, even if only in a very insignificant way”. After about a year of slow yet steady recovery, Tito Pete was able to resume his normal activities and even travelled with Tita Rose to the U.S. 

"Rose has been my north star," Pete Padre.

Tito Pete looks back and says that his life has been an uneventful yet happy, fruitful, rewarding, and fulfilling one. He feels that he has not experienced very significant highs and lows. He claims that Tita Rose, who has always been very religious and spiritual, has given him the greatest sense of meaning and purpose in his life. She has been his North Star, the one who has been “keeping me on a straight course, safeguarding my principles and values from corruption by the world and being the firm anchor in my spiritual llife”. She together with their children and grandchildren give Tito Pete the greatest joy in life.

God uses certain occasions, times of great and significant decision-making, to chart a person’s life direction. Tito Pete sees 2 major crossroads in his life that set his life in a definite direction and that shaped everything that he became and turned out to be. First was when he obtained his college education at the Ateneo which helped determine his career path. And second was his marriage to Tita Rose which has been the greatest source of joy and purpose of his life.

The best truth that God has shown him about Himself is that He is a loving Father who  always gives what is best for His children. Tito Pete realizes that death is inevitable for everyone and far from the evil that it is often associated with, he sees it as a “going home”, something necessary to take us to the Father. Speaking from the vantage point of a 76-year old, he has discovered that in the end, what matters most to him is his family and that having too much money, more than what is needed to have some degree of financial independence and the peace of mind that it brings, is really not necessary to be happy.

Asked what he can advise younger people about living a happy and meaningful life, Tito Pete urges, “Find your North Star and always be guided by it; always have an eternal perspective in everything you do”.  

- Written by Ging Non (Central E)  for NOW Ministry