GOD & YOU … OUR COURAGE, OUR VICTORY!

Last January 16, 2009, our twin babies came into our lives.  What was supposed to be just a routine check-up four days earlier turned out to be one extraordinary experience of faith.  This encounter jolted us from of our comfort zones, tested our resolves, and revealed God’s firm grip on us through His love, providence, and grace.

The Surprise Arrival

Through we welcomed the twins with much joy, they came in too soon.  They were scheduled to be delivered sometime mid-March.  But the doctor decided to perform emergency caesarean operation owing to Chie’s persistent stomach ache and a widening cervix opening.  The babies were safely delivered but had to be placed inside incubators because of their pre-mature birth.  Between the two of them, they would spend a total of 99 days in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit.

Due to the critical nature of the case at that time, some of our major preparations for the delivery went to naught.

Anyway, 10 days after their arrival, we christened them Bernard and Bernice.

Bernice (L) and Bernard (R)

Bernard’s Special Condition

Aside from the common complications that pre-mature babies usually have, Bernard was found to have a metabolic disorder.  Doctors refer to this as multiple carboxylase deficiency.  Some of the manifestations of this ailment are seizures and poor muscle tone.  Bernard had to stay at the hospital for more than two months to somehow stabilize him

Bernard underwent several (that’s an understatement!) tests and procedures like cranial ultrasound, blood transfusion, EEG, metabolic analysis, including two that had to be sent to Australia.  Considering his tender age, he had to take in a lot of medications, one of which, we learned, he will have to take for the rest of his life.

Bernard Bondoc at the hospital

Throughout, it pains us to see how much Bernard had suffered very early in his life.  We are distressed whenever he succumbs to seizure attacks several times per hour!  For the longest time, we had to feed him through a tube inserted in his mouth (OGT).  He had an additional two-week stay at the hospital for blood infection.  His body temperature is very unstable – on and off fever.  Doctors also told us of possible eye and brain problems.  We feel anguish whenever we think of how Bernard is enduring this entire ordeal.

The Financial Troubles

On the sideline, we knew then that it won’t be long before we would feel the financial impact of all of this.  We were right.  As days move on, we see bills and expenses climbing at pace we can’t keep up with.  With our personal savings and help from family and friends, we were able to make progress payments.  But we knew that we needed to produce more, otherwise, we’ll find ourselves in deep trouble.  To date, we have so far spent almost a million and half pesos (figure still climbing J) for this whole episode.  That’s why we fondly refer to the twins as “the million peso babies.”  Much later, we would find our fixed income hit a snag.  I (Adrian) found myself being laid off from work (talk about, “when it rains, it pours”) while Chie had to over-extend her leave of absence from work to personally take care of the kids, especially Bernard.

Pondering on these things, we knew that God should be (must be!) part of the equation.

Where is God in All These?

At the very onset, God assured us of His abiding presence during these times.  He called us to be courageous and victorious all throughout.  This would be our statement of faith; our source of great peace.  This belief though would be tested during the whole experience.

With this prophetic sense in mind, we ventured into solving our financial concern.  We knew we needed to be bold and confident if we are to succeed in this task.  So, we sent out text messages, composed solicitation letters, and spoke with possible benefactors.  People responded generously to our appeal.  Community brothers & sisters rushed in to help (some even gave more than once!).  Individuals we barely know chipped in their share as well.  Several organizations, both private & government, likewise donated to our cause.  God is providing.

Non-monetary support also came in: prayers, hand-me-down baby items, messages of encouragement and practical information, and even doing errands for us (e.g., prepare meals, buy medicines, and drive for us, etc.).  God is faithful.

One may ask, “Is God silent and hidden during sufferings?”  No, if one will just see how His instruments here on earth are so vocal and active in doing His will.  No, if one will just strain to tune-in into God’s frequency.  Some of the more significant Scripture passages that sustained us are the following: 1 Corinthians 10:13; Philippians 4:4-7; Romans 8:28. 

God is ever present and alive during sufferings, especially during sufferings.  In our particular circumstance, we dared not asked, “where is God when it hurts?”  Rather, the question was, “where are we when it hurts?”  Will we remain steadfast with God or blaspheme Him because of our predicament?

No way for us to choose the latter; despite what we initially perceived as God’s silence and veiled presence, He was with us all the way; God was teaching us to live courageously and victoriously.

Enduring the Suffering

Not knowing any better, we prayed for God to remove the suffering; to release us from this trial.  But by God’s grace, we experienced paradigm shift.  We realized that we needed to accept this, go through it, and learn from it.  The Lord spoke to us through a papal encyclical, Spe Salvi:

It is not by sidestepping or fleeing from suffering that we are healed, but rather by our capacity for accepting it, maturing through it and finding meaning through union with Christ, who suffered with infinite love.

It took awhile before this sank into us.  We wanted instant relief from our hardship.  We wanted God to act supernaturally and according to our whim.  This is not how it’s supposed to be.  We needed to bear it, not for the mere sake of bearing it, but how to turn it to glory.  Suffering – without ceasing to be suffering – becomes, despite everything, a hymn of praise (Spe Salvi).  With our backs against the wall, we needed to live courageously and victoriously.

Your Joy is My Joy; Your Pain is My Pain

Bernard today

One thing the Lord impressed upon us through this experience is how we are to live our lives.  Many years back, God called us to be a “Family for Others.”  With this happening, He’s summoning us to re-live that calling with more vigor and passion.  He taught us how to live it concretely.  In the same manner that we have “disturbed” a lot of people during our adversity, so should we disturbed ourselves to alleviate the plight of those in need.  Again, from that same papal encyclical:

Indeed, to accept the “other” who suffers means that I take up his suffering in such a way that it becomes mine also; …because it has now become a shared suffering.

That was true for us when brothers and sisters came to our aid when we appealed for it; they took our suffering as their own.  That, in no insignificant terms, lightened our burden.  While prayer can be the first and more important thing one can offer to a suffering person, the Lord may be prodding us to also do the more urgent thing – to actually give concrete help to the best of our ability and to the extent our resources will allow us.

Somehow, we found ourselves being transported back to biblical times with the early Christians as depicted in Acts 2: “…they had everything in common”: common joy and common pain.  We can’t concede now and betray the love of fellow Christians.  They’ve been journeying with us in living courageously and victoriously.

The Post Script

It has been more than five months now, Bernard still shows some of the symptoms of his ailment: seizures, on & off fever, low weight gain, etc.  While he has started feeding through mouth, it’s a test of patience (for us!).  Some times, it will take him two hours just to finish two ounces of milk.  In fact, there are times when we need to re-insert the feeding tube whenever he won’t suck.

As to our financial woes, we’re dealing with it heads-on, working out some creative ways to generate income to compensate for on-going expenses, medical & others; all while being confident of God’s goodness and mercy.

As mentioned earlier, this is one extraordinary journey of faith for us.  Here, we learned that “true faith does not so much attempt to manipulate God to do our will as it does to position us to do His will” (Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey).  This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken.

Through this is far from over, we pray that both God and you may find us faithful until the end; faithful to His calling for us to live courageously and victoriously.  We know we can, not because we are able to, but because God and you were, are, and will be our source of courage and victory.

Bondoc Family

Lastly, to stamp this particular experience and calling into our lives, we named our twins Bernard and Bernice.  Bernard means “bold and strong” while Bernice, “to bring victory”.

Thanks & glory be to God!

- Adrian Bondoc, Central B  (September 23, 2009)